Only Trust Him

There are times in life when we feel we have made the right decision, only to see our lives begin to snowball, seemingly out of control, while we watch and wonder if we should have done something differently. A few short months ago (May to be exact), my wife resigned her position as a public school teacher and became a stay at home mom in order to home school our three children. This has always been a dream of mine and God did a huge work in the heart of my wife in regards to homeschooling. With many confirmations along the way to making this decision, I just knew that we were right in the pocket of God's will.

Now here we are, only six months in and I find myself wondering if perhaps I missed God somewhere along the way. Through a series of unfortunate and uncontrollable events, we find ourselves in a very uncomfortable financial position. Though we've made cuts to our monthly budget and have avoided frivolous living, doing away with things that are not really a necessity and trying to stretch each dollar to make the most of it, it seems like the harder we paddle to keep afloat, the deeper into financial abyss we sink. Amazingly, while God has provided miraculously for us on several occasions, it seems that behind each miracle is another pit to fall into.

Of course this kind of situation creates stress. And a stress-filled life is a breeding ground for fear, anger, bitterness, and all other negative attitudes that seek to rob us of the freedom and joy we have in Christ. As we tell each other to just trust God and He will provide our needs, it almost becomes cliche, to the extent that we preface our sentences with, "I know we have to trust God, but...". And then I feel guilty because maybe I don't trust God. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and God says take a step. "But God there is nothing there to stand on," I reply. The absurdity of that statement causes me to cringe, as if all of Gods promises and proofs are not enough to hold me up as I step out onto thin air. It's as if I'm saying, God I can trust you with something as big and impossible and eternal as salvation, but I can't trust you with something as meager and temporary as bills. Yet that's where I find myself. Standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, the view to the bottom taking my breath away, as God calls me to step out. Fear grips me as I think up a million reasons why this isn't a good idea.

And then I remember Who it is who has led me to this place. The Sovereign of the universe has orchestrated the very melody that has brought me to this crescendo and now as He beckons me to come, so that He may display His glory in the awaiting chorus, I'm reminded, once again of His words to me:

For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you. (Isaiah 41:13)

So I will.

I must.